Parenting our Parents: How to open up the lines of communication
What happens when the person who took care of us all our lives, now needs to be taken care of? This is an issue many families face right here in Northeast Ohio. Throughout this week, we will be exploring the various situations which arise when we are now "Parenting our Parents."
The new phase of life begins when you first notice major changes to mom or dad and have to find a way to open the lines of communication.
At 83 years old, Charlie Bollinger has owned two pharmacies, raised a family, and been widowed twice. And as the years and milestones passed, time took its toll.
"Six months after my stepmom passed away, we took him on a Caribbean cruise ...We noticed that he was really struggling to keep up with us and moving at a slower pace," says his son, Dan.
Dan noticed the red flags that his dad might need more support.
"Some of the big ones are probably changes in their personal appearance. Or a change in the upkeep of their home. And also unexplained weight loss," says Dr. Matthew Wayne with University Hospitals Geriatric Unit.
Wayne says when these signs start to show, its time to have those tough talks with mom and dad.
"What we want to do is understand where are they doing well and how can we continue to support them in that, and where are they having problems. And where we identify places where they need more supports, we can identify resources where they need supports."
Wayne says he'll see patients who just need a medication adjustment or a medication change.
Doctors can also be the liaison between parent and adult child, when it comes to having those difficult talks.
In Charlie's case, he didn't offer much resistance. He had been through the child-parent role reversal with his own father.
"He was about my age there when he kept driving his car, and he'd back out of the garage there and he would get tangled up in the garage doors and so forth. I said, 'Dad, I hate to tell you this, but I think it's about time you stopped driving,'" says Charlie.
Dr. Wayne had this advice when it comes to asking tough questions, put the conversation in context.
If your elderly parent brings up a health issue or a lifestyle issue a friend or another relative faces ask them, "what would you want in that situation?"
That way, they don't feel like they are being confronted, but that their input is important.
